Rantglass - because that's how things are.

Fork in the road.

Having to wage a war against one’s self is simply uncalled for; unfortunately, it has become an occurrence common enough today that will likely result in the shedding of much blood, sweat and tears.

The days could be long and hard, the hours dwindled from the very start.

The years could be happy and fulfilling, the seconds lit right up to the very end.

So here we are, hoping for just that one false alarm that can turn into an infinity of absolute relief; and there we go, wishing for a much-awaited miracle that can bring joy and meaning into our lives again.

Well, this is it. I think I am going to go vegetarian next.

Details of this entry.Sunday, November 10, 2013, filed under Personal.
Recent tracks played are displayed on Last.fm.,

Eight years and done.

Goodbyes are always the hardest.

Not writing for a month was strangely liberating to say the least. Times like this, I am relieved that there can only be a grand total of one person who may have seen this, and I am confident that it all starts and ends with me: I write, review, read and then quietly file it into a shady corner of my brain. In the meantime, the third rock from the sun nonchalantly continues spinning on its axis; tree leaves invariably start turning into the warmest of colours come the fall season; and the biggest bands on the planet fearlessly strive to put out their groundbreaking new releases, though usually to much varied results.

To be honest, October had not treated me very well. I did have plenty on my plate, and sadly this included having to say farewell to the many good people I used to see and talk to at work every day.

I knew saying goodbye would surely be difficult, but I did not think it would be this hard. The whole month was full of pressing questions, knowing looks, awkward laughter, silent sighs and open secrets – all leading to a teary finale as I walked through the doors for the very last time.

In any case, I still have my doubts and misgivings; sometimes I wonder if this was a decision made out of natural spontaneity or pure spite. But it is too late for any of that now – a new adventure is about to begin, and only time will tell if I will sail towards a beckoning sunset, or drown midway in unforgiving waters.

Details of this entry.Tuesday, November 05, 2013, filed under Personal.
Recent tracks played are displayed on Last.fm.Last Mile Home, Kings of Leon

Imperfect rhetoric.

The moon and the stars were in perfect alignment. A minute delayed and we would have missed it all; a second too soon and we would have been happier than before.

The skies had also chosen to open up at that very moment and wash us all off the very grounds we were standing on. It had all seemed like a very bad joke, initially made to mock but inadvertently leaving us at a gridlock.

But is ignorance really bliss?

The waiting game continues, although I have been on tenterhooks all this year – first for this and now for that. It is an uncomfortable state of mind to be in: to willingly resign your fate to the decisions of others, and to voluntarily put your life on hold for what may not even come. So it surprises me that I am grudgingly giving it another go, one last time.

These dreams; you hang them out to dry in the sun and they come back to you like a wilted rose, very much defeated and close to death. These hopes; you bring them out to fly and they come back to you like a returning boomerang, very much a vessel of empty words and broken promises.

But how can I work on keeping them alive?

Details of this entry.Saturday, September 07, 2013, filed under Personal.
Recent tracks played are displayed on Last.fm.,

Sunset waiting.

A lone golden ray of the sun may at first be seen as a slim sliver of a hope, but the heavy grey clouds and the torrential downpour that came right after has washed away all remaining traces of optimism.

Not that there was much to begin with, anyway. Of course, those half-empty glasses hardly matter anymore; they have become downright bare and clean to the bone, like a vacant hotel room without a working telephone.

Truth be told, the futility of it all has been simply astounding.

Like a new train that has jumped off the tracks and veered way off its destination, despite having been flagged off for its maiden trip to full pomp and ceremony; or a random game of darts that has now turned into a knife through the heart – they tease and taunt ceaselessly, plaguing you with doubts as you begin to celebrate the glories of your many failures.

Well, at least with all cards already dealt with and used, there is nothing more left to lose. The aces of aces has been given away, so what else is there to say?

I give up.

Details of this entry.Thursday, August 22, 2013, filed under Personal.
Recent tracks played are displayed on Last.fm.,

Bad ideas.

Closure. That is all that I needed, really.

So now that my grand plans of A and B have failed me this time around, I have moved on to plan C – but that, too, has threatened to pull the carpet off my feet. I suspect that the feng shui or vastu sastra in my room may have been set to perfect negatives.

Evidently, the vulnerability surrounding this has been astounding, to say the least.

Of course, it is always easier to blame everything and everyone when things do not go your way: the unsightly scratches of the glass coffee table; an unsuspecting stranger who stopped to tie his shoelaces down the street; those annoying bird recordings emanating from the neighbour’s yard every morning.

Admittedly, the days have been slow, for they are hardly the kind that you would want to pluck any faint traces of happiness out of, only to keep them safe in a tiny green jar.

Those words of inspiration have long gone out the window, only to be replaced by a series of sorry, navel-gazing episodes returning with a vengeance. Now that every inch of myself has crashed and burned into nothingness due to despair, it would be a futile exercise to put anything that is left out of its misery anymore.

They say things happen for a reason. Well, pardon me, but I well and truly cannot fathom this one.

I don’t need any help to be breakable, believe me.

Details of this entry.Thursday, August 08, 2013, filed under Personal.
Recent tracks played are displayed on Last.fm.Slipped, The National

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