Rantglass - because that's how things are.

Brain drain.

Brain drain.

I think I truly am going to go insane after this. My days are all focused on only one thing – that darned project. I envy those who could do so much at such a short time. I thought I did well, too – but obviously, I was not good enough. I keep falling behind, and so said the powers that be, too.

I am not on the right track. I do not know how to. All I can do is to continue toiling away, getting all worked up and secretly cursing everyone else as I envision myself putting the finishing touches to my project (the time will come, I console myself).

Although things were not going very smoothly, I did not think it could get any worse – but it did. I was alarmed when not even one of my computer programs could be opened – everything had errors, performed illegal operations, mysteriously blinked and vanished, albeit my numerous attempts to launch anything (I could not even get to Add/Remove Programs, for goodness sake!). For the first time in my many years as a user, my computer finally succumbed to a virus that practically rendered it useless. On a slightly brighter note, however, I finally got a new motherboard and it now works like a breeze.

Still, this is not fun. Words that could describe me now: lackadaisical, tired, pessimistic, tired, jumpy, tired. I know something bad is going to come out of all this. One day, I am going to have to explode. Crying did not do me much good. If only I could drop it all…

“You don’t do this well, you’ll fail.” Those words roll off so easily from their lips.

I do not have any intention in staying for another year to repeat the same subject. Whoever said studying is supposed to be fun, is going to get a wallop on the head from me. All this, for one piece of paper to wave at potential employers…

So where to, from here?

I wanted to say that this website is on hiatus, but it sounds utterly strange. I guess I shall just try to write whenever I can – which, sadly, could now be reduced to only once in a blue moon. I really wish I could write more often – but I can not.

I was too tired to lift even a finger when that same black pup fell into the same green pool of waste – for the third time.

On air now: Polaris, Jimmy Eat World

Details of this entry.Sunday, October 10, 2004, filed under Blogger Archives.
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