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The air was tinged with excitement.

I found myself being in a strange state of euphoria then, and being in total discomfort next.

And when these emotions jumble up together, they leave you confused. Do you or do you not? Desire or dread? Love or hate? Embrace it to the fullest, or dismiss it entirely?

The thing is, we cannot exercise absolute control over our feelings. They just come as they will, dump you with a whole load of tangling emotions, make a clean and quick escape, and leave you to sort them all out by yourself.

We cannot choose to be happy and proceed to light up the hall with a million-watt smile. It just does not work that way. Not unless acting is your forte. But even then, you know that you are lying to yourself.

Still, for what it is worth… it has been an interesting week. Very interesting. I had silly grins plastered on my face. My mind drifted off occasionally to endless possibilities. I felt like I could conquer just about anything.

And I also knew that I have to place my feet back on solid ground.

But just for that fleeting instant – a passing second, the briefest snapshot in time, a blink-and-it’s-gone moment—


I felt that I actually do love my job.

And that, I think, is scary.

Details of this entry.Saturday, September 09, 2006, filed under Personal.
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