Rantglass - because that's how things are.


The lonely one.

The seventh month of the year, already.

The last two weeks to the previous month have been rather… uneventful. It was spent entertaining visiting relatives (“Myyyyyyy, how you have grownnnnnn!”) and popping pills (“Hmm, a high fever? My thermometer must be wrong… here, let me try again, just in case…”).

I can do without the extra attention, really.

New people come, but more people go. It makes me feel more vulnerable than ever.

Why are they quitting now? Is something lacking somewhere? What if I do it, too? Would it make me feel better?

Not that I am thinking of jumping ship, but I cannot believe that people in my current social circle are rapidly diminishing, as they leave for greener pastures.

No, there is nothing wrong with having the table all by your own. I just find the… scrutiny, disturbing. They do not have anyone else to look at, so they look at you, the unfortunate one being paraded for all to see.

Scooping that spoonful of rice is an effort on its own. Try to paint a picture of absolute nonchalance on your face. Sink into oblivion if you can. Let the ground swallow you up.

There are times when I do not mind the loneliness; some precious “me” time, if you will. Then there are times when I fear it; of how it drives those malicious thoughts into your head and turns you into a whole different person altogether.

...

Girls, I think a meetup is due. Before she becomes someone else’s lovely wife by the end of the year. Before she begins reserving her weekends for times to be spent with her new-found love. Before she runs away to a distant, exotic country, sipping cocktails and watching the waves gently lapping the shores.

Oh, well. Not like all three of them would read this, anyway, but looking at those descriptions… now that is what I call moving on, ie having someone, something – an ambition, a person, a dream – to hold on to.

Unlike me.

Sigh.

Details of this entry.Saturday, July 01, 2006, filed under Musings.
This entry is open to comments.
Recent tracks played are displayed on Last.fm.Ashes of American Flags, Wilco


  1. me: ek, you think tht she was referring to us?
    si kecik: sounds like us
    me: kesian xxx… dah gila
    si kecik: hahahahaha

    so… if, you were referring to us/me (because i am always the perasan case), how bout lunch this sat, jz you and me… between the sheets?

    yummy.

    echobrainless | 02/07/06 09:42 PM



  2. Echobrainless – Eh, why you people so perasan ah. :D

    “Si kecik”. AHAHAHAHA. Ahem.

    Well, you know the drill: time/date/venue, please.

    Strizzt | 02/07/06 10:39 PM



  3. what do u mean girls?

    soporific | 05/07/06 02:01 AM



  4. Soporific – This one’s for the girls only mah…

    Uhm uhm uhm. Okaylah, I still remember your er, request. Time/date/venue? Preferably in August though.

    Strizzt | 05/07/06 08:01 PM



  5. Will be back after the filming.
    I do remember our waterfall picnic!
    Recently, my days and nights, weekdays and weekends are all filled up with works and meetings. After August I will have more personal time ! Hopefully you still have time for date by then :D hehehe….

    echobrainless, siapa si kecik? :P

    Is our friend back from Indonesia yet?

    Jane | 06/07/06 12:19 AM



  6. Jane – Our waterfall picnic is like a faraway dream now… so difficult to round up everyone together.

    I don’t even know if our friend is really in Indonesia or not. Where in the world is she?

    Strizzt | 06/07/06 07:51 PM



  7. this one must call the last letter of the alphabets also. what she doing nowadays…

    soporific | 08/07/06 04:33 PM



  8. Soporific – We’re all looking for her. Can’t tie down that one easily, it seems…

    Strizzt | 08/07/06 07:21 PM



  9. SHE IS IN INDONESIA????!!!
    ...
    ...
    ...

    I am always ketinggalan… sigh…

    si kecik = si ketot

    echobrainless | 11/07/06 09:39 PM



  10. Echobrainless – Okay okay. Apparently she is now in New Zealand. Haha.

    Strizzt | 12/07/06 08:40 PM



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