Rantglass - because that's how things are.

So let's lie in the sun.

The sudden clang of cymbals (or something like it) that jerks you right off your chair, making you get up just to check if the locks and bolts are still well secured.

The sounds and voices of the unknown piercing the air and making you pause in your actions, as you strain your ears to hear more and confirm the source.

The soft rustle to your right that makes you slowly turn your head towards that direction, because you know there is absolutely nothing – it is all in your mind.

From time to time, you hear the sneaky laughter of a lone gecko from the outside, further taunting you mercilessly.

As if that were not enough, the eyes sometimes play tricks on you, raising the hair on your skin unnecessarily.

It is always like that – the sounds are amplified; the uneasiness magnified. You feel threatened, wanting to reach for a Smith & Wesson that was never there; lonely, almost wishing a knife was held to your back to end the misery; and paranoid, as paranoid as an android could ever be.

(I like how they advertise their guns: “All of the Full Size Features in a Tiny Package”, “Short Double Action Trigger”, “Windage Adjustable Rear Sight” – I really should take up shooting one day.)

That is when the mind really begins a hostile takeover and drives you to the edge of your sanity.

Thankfully, I am still of sound mind. I think.

Still, I hate, hate, hate! being in the house, all alone – and especially at nights, when the fear intensifies many times over. If there is another blackout, I am going to sleep in the car, period.

Damn, one of our lights just went off. Lovely.


Oooer. Am I glad I was wrong – Bill and Ted made it! TTOW!

Details of this entry.Saturday, May 13, 2006, filed under Personal.
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