So let me follow through.
I think photocopy machines are many a workplace’s greatest mysteries.
Which button should I press to produce double-sided pages? It says here 1+1 is… one. Huh?
What if the original copy was only printed on one side? Oh, just slide it in like that? Hmm, okay.
How can I make it print ten copies? Just press the numbers one and zero, then the ‘start’ button, eh? No?
Which bloody tray should be refilled when it runs out of paper? It says ‘Tray 3’; but I do not know which is which.
What if I want it to print onto another piece of paper? This button? Oops, that one.
How do I magnify the contents on the paper itself? Should I slide the original copy into the second or third plate? What, you mean there’s a fifth plate at the back? How do I rotate and make it print this way? What’s that ‘hand’ icon doing there?
Press, press, press.
The machine gives a protesting hum, but jumps to life, then does… absolutely nothing. “Warming up,” it says on the LCD screen.
Whirr, whirr, whirr.
Nooooooo! The printed copies are coming out all wrong! Make it stop!
Press on the ‘interrupt’ button. I demand you to stop right now!
Press, press, press. Beeeep.
Uh oh. Well, looks like I have to stuff all these papers into the box with the words ‘recycled paper’ on it. No one is looking now, right? Man, I think I have just chopped another tree off the planet.
Clearly, I have not gotten acquainted with this complicated piece of machine yet.
On another note, I very much look forward to Sufjan Stevens’ remaining 48 albums.
On air now: The Fallen, Franz Ferdinand