Rantglass - because that's how things are.


I seem to get along better with friends...

I seem to get along better with friends I made online than the ones I made in real life. It’s easy to meet a wide variety of people online – but it’s not easy to find the right and good friends. I’ve a really good buddy, but since he’s working now, we don’t really talk a lot. Gone were those fun IRC days, when we would really get together and talk about almost anything.

During my younger days, I always isolate myself from the others. I don’t think I’ve got any good friends back in kindergarten. It doesn’t help when in primary school, there’s always the crap of students building up their own groups, getting their own members – inviting you to join them, then laughing wickedly when they decided to diss and flick you away just like that. I thought I had found a real true friend when I was in Standard Three.. we got along fine, but gradually, she showed her true colours, and wham! I was betrayed. Fortunately, I became friends with an Indian girl.. but it was more like respecting each other than being good friends. Back then, friendship, to me, never existed. I was there for people but oddly, no one was there for me.

While in secondary school, I had a really good buddy though.. she lives near my house, we share a lot of similarities (especially in terms of music) and we got together really fine. Our friendship kind of deteriorated after we were separated into different classes.. where I became a good friend to a Malay girl. Didn’t last long, of course.. as always, whenever we leave school, we part ways. Haven’t seen her for nearly a year now.

And now, in uni.. sometimes I feel as if life goes by so quick, it’s such a blur, and I can’t really grasp on to anything. Everyone is too occupied and does their own things. I do enjoy uni life (for the moment at least), yes, and I’m glad I have a few buddies in uni that I can dearly count on to. We’ve done a lot of interesting things together, and reminiscing them brings a smile to my face. But still..

Having gone through all these ‘friendship’s, I always thought that there’s something missing in them. I’ve never had a friend who would stick to me through thick and thin; who I would easily open up, and pour out my problems and feelings to. Am I too picky.. or do I have too high an expectation on how my friends should be? Or is it just because I have not found that kind of buddy yet.. or am I better suited to friend others behind a screen – using the computer?

Speaking of which.. a really good friend died of pneumonia…... I broke down and cried when I saw her name in a ‘death list’.

HOLD, please. It was a dream. And that dream was so blardy real, I can’t help but keep thinking about it when I woke up early this morning. Some dreams are not worth remembering – such as this one – but it’ll take quite some time to erase it from my brain. You can’t imagine how happy I am to see her this morning.

sigh

On air now: Flinch, Alanis Morissette (Under Rug Swept, 2002)

Details of this entry.Tuesday, April 02, 2002, filed under Blogger Archives.
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