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Oh blah. I am deranged.

Oh blah. I am deranged.

Looking back at my previous posts, I made another crazy discovery regarding myself – that I could get pretty ridiculous at times. It just simply shows that I don’t even know myself very well – now how am I suppose to get to know others better? At first sight of some acquaintance, I would try to avoid the person (unless I’m actually searching for him or her). Sure, smiling doesn’t take much effort and it actually exercises your uh, muscles, but heck.. I realise that most of the time, it seems that I am forced to smile – and it’s because I’m afraid people will label me as an arrogant bitch who doesn’t even bother to shout out a friendly hello. I suppose I could get really antisocial if I want to. That’s why you’ll never see me beneath a limelight, addressing an audience in a confident manner; more often than not, you’ll see me lurking in some dark corner, mumbling to myself.

Also, I have been hardly ever described as having a bright and happy look. At times, I might feel alright inside but my facial features could suggest otherwise. Well, in this week alone, three of my friends had asked me why did I wear a glum look on my face. I just shrugged it off, and proceeded to convince them that I was feeling fine (which, by the way, is true). Perhaps I do have droopy eyes and a pitiful expression – something like Nicholas Cage. One bad thing about me is that I do not like to have my picture taken. You will see that from eight out of ten photographs with myself in it, I would look as if I was scowling, while my friends would be giving sparkling smiles fit for a toothpaste commercial. My smiles looked rather fake when appearing in photographs – unless someone would actually make an effort to crack a joke or make me laugh.. naturally.

Although I doubt I will ever get to be sure and know everything about the eccentric (I like to call it that) personality I have, I tell myself that I’m only 18. Hopefully there will always be more precious time for me to explore and bring out the hidden traits and qualities in myself.

Individuality. Nice word, but I believe its meaning is rather complicated too. :/

On air now: Another Morning Stoner, Trail of Dead (Source Tags & Codes)

Details of this entry.Saturday, June 01, 2002, filed under Blogger Archives.
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