You can't see me.
You can’t see me.
I feel kind of odd these days. Do not think I am my usual self anymore. I cannot quite describe it, though – which actually equals to the phrase “I do not know what is wrong with me”.
On another note: these days, I seem to have an impression that I am looking out from a viewfinder of a camera whenever I look at something – every single detail that catches my eyes is scrutinised thoroughly, and then determined whether it has to be considered ‘interesting’ or not – the lady wheeling two baby carriages; a blind man treading carefully along a busy road with only the help of a walking stick; throngs of people crowding a small, curious, little shop in the corner. Whenever I realised that, I try to jolt myself back to reality, and felt the urge to smack myself. I seemed to have become way too accustomed to having a camera around since the past photography assignment.
In a way, perhaps it is a sign that I am beginning to become more particular and meticulous in shooting pictures. I may have trained myself to look at things in many different perspectives – only visually, that is.
Would not it be better if I can be more open-minded, to be able to look at things in another light? If I could, I would not have always whined about my sad state whenever my assignments were rejected; but to take it as a way to improve myself. If I could, I would not have to complain of how much life sucks at the moment; but to welcome and accept life as it is. If I could, I would not be only confining myself to my measely range of interests; but attempt to discover and explore more for my own good.
As much as we hope to have something better, the fact still remains that we are living in reality – and it is not going to change unless we really do something about it. However, I am always reminded of Raistlin Majere’s words: “Hope is the denial of reality.”
On air now: Judith, A Perfect Circle