Rantglass - because that's how things are.

Who needs a precious declaration?

Who needs a precious declaration?

Things do not seem to go my way this time. It does not need a fortune teller to inform me that this week will not go smoothly. I have not have enough of holidays, although I have just indulged myself in a one-week-break for the Chinese New Year. A public holiday coming up this Wednesday does not seem to imply that I will find myself idling around and relaxing in uni – rather, I am going to be quite busy during the next few weeks, until the trimester ends in seven weeks time – and this year of studies will officially come to its end, whereby the highlight of it all would be an all-important decision – to decide on a design major.

Frankly, I am on the edge of frustration, and bordering in ignorance. I could not seem to correctly produce my first animation assignment for this trimester – and there are supposedly three more similar assignments to go. It seems to be the topic of the moment, friends scrambling to finish the said task, asking one another for assistance, while I duly stare at the monitor, trying to find out why would not the bloody round ball roll into the slide voluntarily. With about forty eight hours left until the submission deadline, I feel like not giving it a damn – so there, fifteen marks flying out of the window just like that. Perhaps I will be lucky to earn half of the points for my other completed efforts in the assignment, but heck! I just do not understand why I do not place an emphasis and importance on my grades anymore. I feel tired, feel like letting everything go and not caring about any single thing which is currently bothering me, not leaving me in peace.

I suppose I gave an impression that I am getting worked up all over some assignment for nothing. Brrrrrh. Is this stress, or do I admit defeat easily? Why am I giving up just like that? Granted, this is not going to get me very far in life.

I believe it is ignorance, making me so.

Just like how ignorant I was while walking away, an aunt calling her goodbyes to my parents, but not to me – and I did not bother to say goodbye to her in the first place anyway. Or neglecting my work for computer games. Not paying heed or absorbing fully people’s words. I was invited to watch an opera in a local shopping mall from someone I have not met, but claimed to have talked to a relative, the topic of discussion being my photography adventures back then. I have publicly told everyone that I would not touch the camera for a long period of time, a thousand dollars going down the drain, letting it rot in the deepest corner of the closet. The issue was brought up again when I was advised to go for the opera, but I never thought that my father would counter attack and scolded me for wasting his money on my studes, for enrolling in a design course, hammering the words ‘photography is a part of design, you will use it in the future’ into my head again and again.

Of course. Just like how I have to go through a variety of subjects in high school, resulting in a dislike for Chemistry and Physics, but giving a thumbs up for English and Mathematics. And so, photography just happens to be a subject I do not fancy, neither is 3D and animation design. You do not see me dragging some old historic scrolls now, becuase I had History in school, or going around preaching to everyone to be good because I had Moral studies. Similarly, I do not want to be seen with a camera or having to go to places of interest just because I had studied the subject.

All in all, I want to be known for doing the things I desire to do, and not told to perform a task the reason being I have done it before.

Perhaps, ignorance is bliss.

On air now: Try, Try, Try, Smashing Pumpkins

Details of this entry.Sunday, February 09, 2003, filed under Blogger Archives.
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