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Disappointment.

Disappointment.

I cannot believe it. It is not too much of a problem, really. How hard can it be, to share information and update each other on urgent matters? I am sure I have played my role promptly, although I admit that I can never be as perfect as anyone would want me to be. Obviously, I expected a bit too much from my friends.

I delayed handing up my form for more than two months because I thought we had already made a pact to do it together (back then, she did not have her form ready yet). Today, I thought of giving her another (I had brought up this subject at least twice, I assure you) casual reminder so that we could get it done after such a long wait. Little did I know that she had already got hers over and done with.

I was left gulping for air. What? You went ahead and did it without me? What was I doing with my own form all along; a coaster for my favourite drink? The least she could have done, is to inform me earlier. Really. I have not had such a disappointment in a long time. I swear, if there were a deadline for this, I would have gone on a rampage and eaten every damned form in sight.

If I had submitted the form first, she would have grumbled (and I hope jokingly): “Why did you not wait for me?” (Trust me, I have heard of those before.) I chose to wait, and I am the one who got left out instead.

Expectations. A killer. Why should I expect friends to be my personal news provider? Why should I expect them to report every single trivial thing to me? Why should I expect them to wait for me? Should friends have responsbilities towards one another? Is there some sort of a duty or an obligation? Maybe. No, not at all…

Oh, because you provided a roof over her head for four months, came a bitter voice somewhere within me. No, I was not expecting anything in return for that. Never. Do not make me sound like that, please. Or did I, really? Plus, she has helped me a lot, too. We co-exist peacefully. I am not blaming her. Still, a part of me wished for something more. I have little enough friends as it is – but with this new-found fussiness of mine, I might as well go scouring for a cave now and live my life as a hermit, and be a friend to no one else but myself.

In any case, it was a valuable lesson learnt. If you can do it on your own, by all means go ahead, as quick as you can: although it may attract disgusted stares akin to “Oi, you so kiasu for what?” Forget all so-called pacts. Do not wait. Ever. You may be kind enough to wait for them, but they may not wait for you. The notion of it had simply slipped off their minds.

Someone, knock some sense into my head now, please.

(By the way, that form is very important – for without it, I can not graduate. You understand now why I got so (maybe unnecessarily) worked up over this matter.)

Details of this entry.Thursday, April 07, 2005, filed under Blogger Archives.
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