Rantglass - because that's how things are.


Call the doctor, put me inside.

Call the doctor, put me inside.

Of all the physical pain you feel, I guess nothing compares to the pain you feel inside, upon knowing that you might suffer from a disease or illness.

Then you would think of how to break the news to loved ones. How you should go about life nonchalantly, as though it never happened. Whimper in a corner, thinking about the dreams you have yet to realize; the ambitions you have yet to accomplish. Question why it had to happen to you, and not others. How many years to go? Months? Weeks? Feeling disillusioned, down, distressed.

Prolonging a visit to the doctor’s, waiting just to see if the pain would go away. You would then heave a sigh of relief when the pain subsides gradually, albeit sometimes coming back swiftly, harshly jolting you back to reality. When the pain completely disappears, you might laugh at how paranoid and foolish you had been, after being attacked by the many morbid thoughts. I guess it is the many things swirling in your mind, that drives you off the edge at times.

All that, without a medical consultation with the doctor. Yet. So no drugs. Worse still, going under the knife.

How would you know when would be the right time to pay a visit to the doctor’s? Do you immediately jump into a car and drive to the clinic, holding on to a box of tissues after sneezing ten times in a minute, suspecting a flu? Linger around for ten days with a hacking cough? Obviously most of us would not feel comfortable under the extreme scrutiny of a careful doctor’s eyes, prodding here and there, inserting a thermometer and listening to your heartbeat, going through the intimate parts of your body.

Unfortunately, we cannot be our own doctor.

On another note, a few lecturers seem to remember my name. That spells bad news. After all, I am supposed to be a discreet and unnoticeable little thing in class.

On air now: A Wolf At The Door, Radiohead

Details of this entry.Wednesday, July 23, 2003, filed under Blogger Archives.
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