Rantglass - because that's how things are.


Running to lose.

Running to lose.

So. This, is how it feels like.

This is how it feels like, to be overworked, underpaid, and along with that: an extremely faint hint of sincere appreciation, for all the things I have done.

Perhaps to sum it all up in one word, would be this: work. Is that how it is supposed to be?

And with that, I was very much aware of the fact that I was gripping the steering wheel with a pair of crinkled eyebrows, and not braking smoothly (meaning that whenever I press on the brake, I jerk forward – and I absolutely hate that) while braving the traffic jams home.

This is something that I know very well cannot be avoided – having your work rejected, that is. I have encountered that too many a time during my first year of studies, courtesy of a particularly meticulous lecturer who seemingly seeks delight in looking at the dejected faces of his students, after tearing and throwing artworks across the room. Strangely enough, he garnered a fair share of admirers despite his strictness and his demands for perfectionism.

But when criticism comes from someone who – I have to say – is not very well-trained in the field, it comes across as some sort of a disrespect for the work that has been done. It probably was not meant to be that way, but I could tell that there was a certain degree of that in the air.

Not that I am claiming to be good in what I do – on the contrary, I am still learning. I know my limitations, and I know where I stand. Still, I want to be able to look up to someone who possesses a generous amount of experience, skills, and knowledge – one who has got what it takes, to be a leader and a guide. But today’s events only seem to reinforce the nagging thought that I have been having in my mind for months now, and still counting – that I feel that I am learning the wrong things, and going towards a wrong direction.

Horribly enough, there are times that I feel like I am going backwards. It is also safe to assume that I am doing work which was originally meant for two people. In short, I am doing more than I am supposed to, while others seem to be sitting back and enjoying the view, a glass of wine in hand. Oh, the injustice of it all is just so blindingly glaring.

This is not going to work, and I need to go someplace else to scream my head off.

If all this griping makes me sound immature and naive; maybe I really am. I do not know.

Six. Weeks. Could it come soon enough?

On air now: Once Around The Block, Badly Drawn Boy

Details of this entry.Friday, June 04, 2004, filed under Blogger Archives.
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