Rantglass - because that's how things are.

Joyously awaking.

Joyously awaking.

The mind wanders.

I do not have any out-of-body experiences, but with my thoughts going wild lately, I find them a bit difficult to… understand. There are times that I tend to think too hard, to the extent of feeling like I have vanished into thin air – or rather, everything else has disappeared. Elevated into a different state of mind, where everything is nothing. Nothing lives. Nothing gives. Then it makes you wonder if would death be that eeriely serene as well.

The mind wanders even more.

It could also be due to the fact that I fail to grasp and hold on to one particular thought, scan it thoroughly, and successfully omit it from the ever-growing list. Sometimes the brain seems to throb unconsciously from the inside, if that were even possible. Perhaps compared to the other billion inhabitants of this planet, I happen to have way too many things going on in my mind.

I have to be the first to admit that I think too much. At this point, I am not sure if I should even replace the word ‘think’ with ‘worry’. I hate being a worrywart (wait, am I already admitting that I am one as well?).

Can we control our thoughts, or does it always have to come about subconsciously? As in: can you actually want to think about something, and alternately, banish it at the… thought of it?

Some things just never stay hidden under the carpet. The bits and pieces are bound to be blown right back into your direction, returning to you, no matter how many times you mutter to yourself that you do not ever, ever, want to think about it again. It creeps out when you least expects it to.

Thinking about not wanting to think about it anymore is, well, actually still thinking about it, is it not?

I guess it needs time. Seconds, minutes, hours. Days, weeks, and months. Time heals everything, so they say. Maybe this will pass. I sigh at least thrice a day. I might be getting lots of grey hair in the years to come.

Damn it. Another mindjob.

On air now: At Least That’s What You Said, Wilco

Details of this entry.Monday, July 26, 2004, filed under Blogger Archives.
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